Items tagged with "JJ"

Trivia: He got that tie and wig from the principal's desk. The principal's desk is filled with nothing except new ties, wigs and replacement nameplates.


Hugh tried to put a wig and clothes on Vance and talk to him a lot. It gets lonely, being a vent-person. Especially when your only companion is a feral, possibly-rabid raccoon that reacts negatively to hugs. It puts a strain on your friendship.


There can be no greater shame than the rejected high five. Your only course of action is hari-kari, or I guess you can high-five yourself but you'd look like a real schmuck.

Also, we have a new blog post in the blog section of the site, in case you want to check that out. I don't know how to make links, but if I did, hoo man, links ahoy, let me tell you! Just click on 'Jack's Blog' up there to read Jack's Blog. That's the best I can offer to you, I'm afraid, but I'm going to trust the rest of the operation in your hands. Jack out!


August 10, 2014


(That's Aquaman's symbol on Muller's shirt in panel 4.)

Well, I didn't have time to make comics this week, so I painted. Watercolor, to be exact. I apologize if this isn't how you visualized the coloring some things—Hugh's sweater is purple, Carl's a redhead and all that. I can forgive you if you were imagining it as a utopia where all redheads have been ethnically cleansed. That's a future we can all get behind.

I like how it came out, mostly. That background is a little too 'angry mustard' for my tastes, and Andromeda's shirt is, canonically, a little less aggressively kiwi. But overall, I give it a 6/10. I'll see you all next week for a brand new comic.

July 26, 2014


Annihilation has such a bad connotation these days. 'I'm going to 'annihilate' your family'. 'The Earth will be 'annihilated''. We need to reclaim it! I'm going to 'annihilate' this kitten...With hugs! I'm going to 'annihilate' the town...With support for my community! I'm going to 'annihilate' this homemade cardigan...With my delicate needlework!

Always remember proper first aid, in case of an emergency:

If the bone is broken, immediately drink a glass of milk. Calcium, mm-mm.

If you are bleeding profusely, try natural remedies, like rubbing small twigs and raccoon scat in the wound. Just like the Native Americans did.

If you learn that you are in the early stages of a fatal disease such as Malaria, try believing in yourself. If it doesn't work, you didn't believe in yourself enough.

For third degree burns or gunshot wounds, try herbal tea. Really. You'd be surprised.


This is oddly topical, it being July and all. I'd like some grenades for fireworks, cause what's more American than blowing things up? For the next fourth of July, I want to explode a grenade, while eating a hot dog, voting, watching a baseball game, saluting the American flag and punching a Russian. Then I'd probably get arrested for the grenade thing and assaulting a Russian person, but the real reason would be for being too patriotic. COMMIES.


Over seven people are killed each year from the high-risk lifestyle of Moon Juice addiction. It's kind of hard to make, you have to mix a bottle of bleach with some alka-seltzer and like a bathtub full of LSD, but once you make it let me tell you, you will be tripping harder than a blind man at a pothole convention.

Stay off the Juice, kids, don't be a Fool...ce.

June 29, 2014


Haha! That was some clever editing, right there, just like he said. What can I say, I'm good.


I'm prone to minimalist backgrounds, so it doesn't distract from the joke or body language, or clutter the panels, which is more of a danger when you're working with black and white as opposed to colors. I actually removed a door in the background of a future comic because it was too intrusive. I like little things that just suggest the setting, like the bit of flaming bus wreckage in panel one. It's much subtler. Plus, less work for me, so there's some pointers right there.


If I was Dennis Hopper in Speed, I would rig buses so that if they went ABOVE 50 miles per hour they would explode. They'd say, "That seems like an irrational and not terribly dangerous form of terrorism", and I'd say I'm doing it to compel people to be more careful drivers and not abuse the speed limit, especially in school zones. I'd be the deadly 'Mostly Inneffectual But Quite Informative Advocate For Highway And Auto Safety Bomber'.

Fc26e280943Look at Hugh's left arm in panel three. That looks to be an uncomfortable position to be in. Perhaps he's horribly dislocated his shoulders in between panels, a silent yet perceptibly painful protest to being a fictional character in an imaginary world, doomed to live out an immortal existence devoid of free will that compels him to follow his preordained path to a unavoidable destination, conscious the entire time of his wretched illusory reality and the lack of autonomy it represents. Or I was tired and felt like a nap, so I phoned it in on the picture-making. Either way.


What happened to the days when city buses had massive snack bars, and water beds, and home entertainment systems with Kindergarten Cop on DVD? I'll tell you: never, because I made all of that up, right now. However, I don't see why our government can't institute that. They should just sell most of the buses and spend all of the money on one enormous, super deluxe bus, with sweet flame decals and Speed Racer-esque car superpowers, like those car stilts or the submarine mode or that weird android homing pigeon one. Or just cut out the middleman entirely and launch people from place to place through Wile E. Coyote catapults. Why hasn't the government done this? I can't tell you; I don't think anyone could. Thanks, OBAMA.


It seems inconvenient to build a liquor store right next to a sharp incline like that. If I lived there or near there, I'd go to the store at night and wait for the drunks to stumble out in a stupor, and then wait for them to pass out and then roll them down the hill, for fun. Like cow-tipping, except more sadistic. Now that I think about it, that's going on my life bucket list. That makes more than two things:

—Roll a drunk down a hill
—Invent jetpack hockey
—Golden Girls/Firefly crossover


It sure is convenient that hobos take on descriptive monikers like that. You need not wonder what to expect from a fellow named 'Armpit Steve'.*

*Pro Tip: Expect armpits of some kind.


I love that moustache so much. if I could grow facial hair, I don't think there would be any doubts that that would be what I would wear. That, or I would die my hair green, grow it until it went entirely over my body, and then pretend to be an overly large chia pet. And I would pose in the corner in a pot in my cover story guy's house, and then the guy would bring his house guests over and say "You like my giant chia pet? I got it off eBay," and then I would jump out at them and they'd scream, and then we'd all have a good laugh.


Hmm. I'm not sure how happy I am with Carl's hand in panel 3, but it's too late now. In other news, share buttons are going to be rapidly coming to this website, so get ready for that! Aloha, readers.


In hindsight, I wonder why they're all sitting on one side of the table, assumedly quite uncomfortably crushed together, facing coincidentally exactly where the 'camera' is facing them. Perhaps they're all watching something interesting out the window. Perhaps a costumed bear is doing tricks off-screen, and that's why they're interested. You know, like at the circus. I don't know how a bear would get in there though. Perhaps a teleporting bear. THAT'S CANON NOW

This is our first comic with a credit line, and doesn't it look pretty! I'm going to be replacing all previous comics with ones with that credit line, so prepare yourselves. That's all for today, I'm afraid. Shalom, my friends, and Biz Shpeter!


If I may say so myself, the art in this comic is getting pretty consistent! Look how similar that poster looks in panels 1, 2 and 4! Nah, I'm punking you, I totally cut and pasted it.

In other news, this is a double update, so click that 'previous' button to read the comic that comes before this!

It's these kind of philosophical debates which make my comic stand out from all the rest. Whose fault would it be, if someone robbed someone else's house and the house owner shot themself, through incompetence? Probably the guy who shot himself for the shooting thing, but the robber for the separate thing of robbing his house.

Anyway, that's all I have to say on this comic. However, this is a double update, so click that 'next' button for the other new comic!


Woohoo, update! They're in an ambulance in the last panel, by the way, in case you can't tell. I didn't really know what to draw in the background there to tip you off to it being an ambulance. I originally had a sign that said something like 'this is an ambulance' but that seemed a little on the nose. I suppose if you didn't know it was an ambulance you'd assume it's a hospital room, which would work just as well. So never mind, like one's life or a wad of play-doh, that last panel can be anything you want it to be.

P.S. After last week's debacle of having to design an entire house for the background, they're facing the other side of the street now. So there's only a lamppost and some bushes. Do lampposts still exist, even? Well, they do in this town, anyway.

In case you think I messed up and updated an hour late, you're wrong. My clock says, right there, 9:57. So that's, like, three minutes early. If your clock says something else, it must be a time...difference. You know, time zones and stuff.

On a side note, it took me like an hour to draw Hugh's house and that ambulance in the background, jeez! Look at that! It has an odd two-dimensional quality to it, though, like Hugh is living in some sort of a space-warp. That's a thing, and it's canonical now.


Day late again. I'm buying a calendar though. On the bright side, you get two comics in one day! Be sure to go over to Body in the Foyer to see the other one. The button's up there, on the top bar. Case you're interested. Just an idea. You can click on it by moving your finger on your little computer pad up there, and then pressing down. Or use your mouse and/or mouse button. Again, just a suggestion. It's really good today.

P.S., yes, that's a roman column Carl's touching in panel 1. Andromeda has roman columns in her house. That's to emphasize the richness.


Yay, I'm actually updating on time! Good job, me. Man, why did this one require so much drawing? It took a while to complete. Look at that mountain lion, though. Fearsome as all get out.


Finally! I can draw something other than a window and that picture on JJ's wall. It was getting tiring. On the other hand, more work for me. I can't win, honestly.

On another note, look at that tree through the window in the last panel there. Good God. That's practically a Monet, right there.


Ah! Finally. It took a while to get this up because I had to erase a panel of dialogue and had to rewrite it...Ehh, what do you care? It's up now. Lucky you. Hey, did you notice that JJ's face seems to be an amorphous, shifting entity, the way it changes drastically through the 4 panels? The only conclusion I can draw from this is that JJ is some sort of shapeshifting alien, sent to Earth to study humankind while replicating their speech patterns and face shape in order to blend in. So, yeah, that's canon now.

March 14, 2014

 And we're back! You're welcome. About that new blog feature: It's almost done. Get excited, people. It'll probably be up by tomorrow, so don't touch that dial! Or do, because if I had a computer that operates through dials I'd want to fiddle with it as well. Because that would be very steampunk, like airships and clockwork. I believe I may have gotten off topic.

March 8, 2014


I must apologize for posting this so late, I completely forgot. There are no excuses for this unforgivable act, and I am ashamed of it. Let us attempt to put this behind us, friends. Let us learn from it, so that the anguish caused by it will never come about again.

Did anyone notice that little picture in the background there? You know, I put a ridiculous amount of easter eggs in the backgrounds of my comics, if you ever bothered to look, you purblind wooden-heads...Ah, I can never stay mad at you, readers. Friends again? (P.S. that's the TARDIS through the window there. See? Easter eggs galore.)


Here it is, the first computer-drawn French Club! It turned out quite well, methinks me. I told you people I was drawing it in a new shape and format, but it didn't work. I have to reformat the other comics I drew up in the same size and shape, but I'm alright with that because I really like this new square shape. It looks a lot cooler then what I was going to do. Also, for the next two weeks, anyone you see in the comic is going to be a main character, although I suppose you could have gathered that from the About Page. Alright, I have to go churn out some more funnies for you ungrateful cads. Adieu, fellow webbernetocyberters.

February 28, 2014


This is the last of what FC comics I prepared for the website. That's alright, because the drawing up of the new ones has gone well. I have news, however. I have decided to start drawing French Club on the computer, instead of paper. It's more efficient and precise. BitF will stay the same, though. Also, it will be a different size and shape...You know, I'll just let you see for yourself, next Monday. Ciao, fellow travelers of the Information Superhighway.

February 24, 2014


BAM! Update. I'm pretty good at this. I can't stay writing this long, as I'm very busy, but know that I'm thinking of you, fellow Infobahners*.

*Actual name for the internet. Seriously.

February 21, 2014


I almost forgot! But then I didn't, which is good. Here, my fellow patrons of The Internets, is French Club 2#. I have been working on the set of strips which will go up in about 2 weeks, and it's been going pretty well. At the time of writing, I have just shifted to a new computer, so it's been holding me up a bit. But don't worry about it. Really, don't. Alright, you can worry a little.


So here we go, this is French Club 1#. I realize that I had promised to update on Mondays and Fridays, and this is quite patently Tuesday. Well, I apologize. From here on out, my updates will be constant and on schedule.

Before this website was birthed from the mind of my valued Webmaster, I drew up a small store of updates for both of my comics. These will fuel French Club for two weeks while I settle into my schedule, and Body in the Foyer for a month. I drew up the French Clubs to intentionally leave out most of the main characters so that I would have the opportunity to drastically change the cast and scripts if I so wished. And I did. So, dear comic enthusiast companion of mine, you will be reading a small solo adventure of JJ's before he encounters the characters mentioned in the about page(which, if you lost the top part of your eyes in a gruesome accident and cannot see the link at the top of this page named 'About', you can find here /static/about ).