What happened to the days when city buses had massive snack bars, and water beds, and home entertainment systems with Kindergarten Cop on DVD? I'll tell you: never, because I made all of that up, right now. However, I don't see why our government can't institute that. They should just sell most of the buses and spend all of the money on one enormous, super deluxe bus, with sweet flame decals and Speed Racer-esque car superpowers, like those car stilts or the submarine mode or that weird android homing pigeon one. Or just cut out the middleman entirely and launch people from place to place through Wile E. Coyote catapults. Why hasn't the government done this? I can't tell you; I don't think anyone could. Thanks, OBAMA.