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Good Cop/Bad Cop always gets results, and is applicable in a wide variety of situations! Try it and see your life improve:

At Work:

You: Hey, boss, I was really wondering if I could have a raise.
Boss: Sorry, Henderson, it's these cutbacks. They're affecting all of us.
You: Hey, that's fine, chum. You want a stick of gum?
Boss: Sure!
You: SHUT UP, YOU DON'T GET ANY GUM!
Boss: Wha—
You: DON'T MAKE ME HAVE TO TELL YOUR FAMILY THAT YOU TRIPPED AND FELL INTO THIS CROWBAR AND THEN ROLLED YOURSELF IN A CARPET AND THREW YOURSELF OFF THE SAN FRANSISCO BRIDGE, SCUMBAG!
Boss: I like the cut of your jib, Henderson.


At Parties:

Stranger: Uh, you see The Help? I just saw The Help.
You: Sure I did, pal, sure I did.
Stranger: Cool—
You: I'M LYING, DIRTBAG, I'VE NEVER SEEN THE HELP! WHAT ARE YOU, AN IDIOT?
Stranger: AAAAH!
You: I forgive you. Let's hug it out, compadre.
Stranger: WH—
You: I'M LYING AGAIN, I DID SEE THE HELP! I ADORE EMMA STONE, I THINK SHE'S A GREATLY UNDERUTILIZED ACTRESS!
You: SHE WAS WONDERFUL IN EASY A, THAT WAS A STARMAKING ROLE!
You: SHE'S GOT A LOT OF POTENTIAL.
You: SCUMBAG.


At Home:

Roommate: Hey, you left your towel on the floor again.
You: Hey, buddy, don't worry about it.
Roommate: Uh—
You: TELL ME WHAT I WANT TO KNOW! (backhanded slap)

Comments

Meems on July 23, 2014 at 04:18 said:

OMG, LOL!!!

Teri on July 23, 2014 at 02:31 said:

So fantastic!

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